Don't be shy

If any one who reads this blog wants to comment, by all means do so. If you have something funny you want to share with me then go ahead. Even if you want to slam me and my thoughts. I like the comments to keep rolling in. Thanks everyone,BLAZE.

The King of Rock, the Army, and the Sherman Tank

Today, my friend CPT PYRO and I went to town to kill some time. On our way through town we noticed a cut out of Elvis Presley outside a local music store. The cut out had him in his army uniform. We started talking about him and the career he had before he joined the army and how joining the army showed a lot of courage. To me, for this man to stop in the middle of his fame and join the military is truly heroic. He was already rich and famous and had a lot to lose. This is what we need more of in todays world. For those of you who don't know, CPT PYRO and myself were and are in the military. This is why we find this subject more serious than most. When you see someone rich and famous ready to lose it all to serve his or her country it makes you feel good knowing that they're not doing it for the benefits, they are doing it because it's the right thing to do. If you read my blog on a regular basis you'll see that this is the most serious one that I have ever done. So to keep on with my comedic style I decided to let ya'll in on the rest of the conversation.
We was talking about how it would've been to be his drill instructor. I thought that it would've sucked, every time you yell at him or curse him, you'd be afraid he would sue you. Cpt PYRO thought different about the subject. He guessed that it would've been worse to be Elvis. You know every time that he did something the D.I. would've been right there making him the King of the Push-up.

Viola!

I have finally figured it out. It will probably make me rich. I know people have a hard time understanding me sometimes so just bear with me. I was at work earlier today and something bad happened. I tore a big hole in the crotch of my pants. No big deal right? WRONG! My dumbass went commando this morning because I was too lazy to do laundry last night. So I'm standing there in all my greatness with my stuff hanging out of my jeans ( well, maybe not hanging but equally bad). Thats when the idea hit me. What if you had some sort of Insta-patch? Something that you could keep in your wallet or purse or handbag (for my European readers) and when this happens you could casually go to the restroom and just fix your stitch. It would be great. There would be no embarassing moments in public like the one that I had today.
If you have a funny story that happened to you or someone you know let me know and if it's pretty funny I'll add it to this posting.

What's Wrong with Second Best

For those of you who don't know CPT PYRO is a good friend of mine. We have been friends for about 8 or 9 years. CPT PYRO is a gadget whore. He has to have the best of everything on the market or he will go into convulsions and DIE. Seriously, he really does have the best of everything that he wants. If something new and exciting comes out on the market he'll run out and get it, regardless of the product. The problem is that new stuff comes out everyday. By the time he buys something new there's something else new to replace it. Being the good friend that I am, to help him pay for his "I-might-be-stuck-in-the-past-phobia"(fear of not having something new) I purchase the item that he is replacing. After all, when he bought it, it was the best. By the time that I buy it, it's still second or third best. So I say what the hell. Don't get me wrong, I love technology, but I can't afford the best at the time, I'll do just fine with the best of yesterday.

Oh thank God

I'm finaly able to post again. My life is no longer over.
For the past few weeks my computer has been down due to a hardware problem. I've a friend that fixes computers on the side and he's been working on it for me. Any way, approx 2 weeks before my computer died a good friend of mine introduced me to blogging. Before this intro if you was to ask me what blogging is I probably would have said a hair-lipped logger. Ever since this intro though I've been hooked. So like always, as soon as I found a new use for my computer the damn thing dies. This has made my life HELL. I no longer have a place to express my feelings about a topic; short of starting a diary, but if you ever meet me you'll see why I don't have a diary. I have been so bored sitting at home that I think I went into a state of denial. A friend of mine stopped by one day and banged on the door and he said that he could see me but I was not responding. Fearing the worst he came on in the house to see what the problem was. He said that I was sitting there at my computer looking at a blank screen bitching about the everyday world to a monitor in the off position. But now I can finally blog again. I'm so happy I could squell like the fat man on Delivirence.
I'm goging to end this by saying a couple of things. First off, don't become too dependant on technology, it will only dissapoint you. Next, to the person who introduced me to blogging. I hope all your kids are born naked, you bastard. Haha just kidding.

I often wonder

I often wonder if other peoples thought process is the same as mine. What I mean when I say this is there are quite a few times that I will think of something and by the time I'm done thinking about it I'm on a completely different subject. Allow me to demonstrate: This is an actual conversation I had with a friend of mine on our way back from South Carolina.
Me Hey, have you talked to Lump lately? (a friend of ours in Iraq)
Him Yeah, he said that he hates the sand.
Me I can imagine
Him He said he hates taking a bath with baby wipes
Me Have you ever had to do that
Him Yeah it sucks, it leaves you feeling wet in the crack of your ass
Me I know, it's like when you shit real hard and you get some water in your ass, makes me feel uncomfortable
Him I know, just don't getthat clean feeling you have a wet ass
Me Now I know why babies cry all the time. They feel uncomfortable because they have a wet ass.

Now that you know what I'm talking about let me know if you think like this too.

i hate people who don't like people

You know, one of the most annoying things I can think of is talking to some one who obviously don't like people. They just stand there and try to focus their attention toward some sort of inanimate object hoping that it doesn't turn into a person and want to talk. Seems like the only thing you can ever get them to say is "I hate people". Is this not the most annoying thing to you? I just find it to be hillarious also. When you really think about it they hate the one thing that they are. Not only can they not change this but they can't even get help for this. Who would they go to for help? They obviously can't see a doc. They hate them too. I guess they'll have to spend the rest of their life wondering aimlessly around the world trying to find a tree or rock to cure them of this disease.

I don't get it

Why is it that everytime I find something that makes me happy or shows me the light at the end of the tunnel, something or some one does something to take it away. For example, one time I was going through a hard time in my life when I was getting divorced and some friends of mine did some things to help cheer me up and it worked. It couldn't have been more than three days later when I got a letter from th IRS saying I was being audited. I couldn't believe it. If I was being audited why did they take the time to go ahead and mail me my tax return. Bastards. As if I didn't have enough problems with out them contributing. But it wasn't much longer after that when they sent me another letter saying never mind. Bastards. Here I am running around scared to death that I was going to have to make up some stuff to tell them. To shed some light on this, I called my accountant and talked to his secretary and she said that he wouldn't be back in his office for another month. Bastard. I have questions which I need answered and he's on vacation for a freaking month. He's the reason I thought I was getting audited to begin with. But life goes on, without all the Bastards I have the pleasureof dealing with.

Bandwith....a serious problem

Ok, at work it takes me all of 30 mintues a day to post my comment on my blogs, check my news readers (I suggest www.newsgator.com) but at home I suffer from LBS (low bandwith syndrome), it literally takes me hours to do what takes me only a few minutes to do at work. Here lies the problem, I can't be doing this all day at work as nothing would get accomplished. So I am forced to sneak my posting between work and college.

Something I've noticed

I've noticed over the past couple of years that women are more attracted to married men then they are single men. I don't know why this is, but I do know of a few people who have taken advantage of this fact. My friends that are married don't cheat on there spouses but a few of my single friends have taken it to the next step. One of my buddies went out and bought a wedding band to help him meet women at the club or in a bar. This seems to work very well for him. When ever he wants to end things with the women he meets he just tells them that he's going to start being faithful to his wife. I think this is hillarious. I can't think of a better way to end a relationship than to make them think its a moral problem. I'm sure it will come around to bite him in the end but for now it's kinda fun to watch.

A quick insite to my life

Do you ever wake up and wonder "Why am I here"? I often do this and still haven't really found an answer to this question. The best that I can come up with is that I'm here because I wasn't good enough to be there. If I was there life would be so much easier. I wouldn't have to worry about what's going on here; who's here; what are they doing here; how long they have been here, to name a few. Instead i could just spend the rest of my life thinking about how great it is there. Maybe one day I'll meet you here and we can go over there together.