Virginia Tech

As most of the world knows by now, there was a horrendous act that took place today at Virginia Tech. My deepest thoughts go out to the victims of this incident.
Now with that said, where in the hell was security!?! I have never been to a college where there wasn't a security officer within a 30 second jog of any building. I have also discovered that most of the students where unaware of the incidents until it was too late. This is BULLSHIT! There are innocent students whose families are, as we speak, making funeral arrangements because VT staff doesn't know how to execute an emergency plan. I hope that by some form of pure luck a staff member at VT reads this. I hope that these next words will echo through their thoughts until the end of days. Thanks for the carnage! ASSHOLE!

Friends

I was thinking (again) and I have come to the conclusion that friends really do make the world go round. When you really think about it, you tend to keep different types of friends for different things, much like clothes. You have this friend for going out and having fun. This other friend for sitting around and doing nothing. And maybe even another friend in case you need a back-up friend for when you're not the friend of the hour for someone else. This is much like clothes. This pair of pants for going out. That pair for sitting around, and so on.

But what happens when you find a friend that is good for all of the things that you do. For example: As many of you know, CPT. Pyro (who's link is at the bottom of the screen) is a good friend of mine. In fact, my best friend. He's that one friend who is good for all of the things that I like to do except eat Sushi. Which is no big deal cause I don't eat Sushi that much anymore. I have found that I don't really hang out or even talk to my other friends anymore because I don't need to.

In Lieu of a Personal Attack

I sometimes like to look at the blogs of the people who leave comments on my blog. One such person, whom I have known for years, decided to make a personal attack at me that was unprovoked. So in response to HER posting I would like to say, who the fuck are you to judge me. You know nothing about my background or my knowledge of military codes and customs. If you would take your head out of your ass maybe you could see the whole picture and not just your rectal opening.

Now with that being said, I am sorry that my other readers had to see this but you probably already know that when people get bored of their own lives they try to affect or should I say infect the lives of others.

I really hate when people who think they know what you are all about start running their mouth about shit that they have no clue on. If you are reading this and would like to know who attacked me then check my comments box and look for Mickey Finn. Obviously I'm not so ashamed of what they wrote that I would try to hide it. So I'm going to tell ya'll a little story. I joined the Army fresh out of high school at the ripe age of 17. After a few months in the Army, indeed I said months, I tore my ACL and was given a medical disharge with temporary benefits. In 2004 I joined an organization that would allow me to use my military knowledge to better serve the community. I was fast tracked in rank and surpassed many other people because I know how to do my job. I tried my best to keep from stepping on any toes but shit happens. Now some of the toes that I stepped on have decided to start attacking me. So here's to all those people who wear their heart on their sleeve: FUCK YOU!!!

Check this out

On one of my earlier posts, I posted a 2 line poem that I had thought of while I was at work. Today I recieved a letter in the mail stating that my poem was going to be published in a book called " Immortal Versus ". As a prize, of sorts, they sent me a $100 check and copyrighted the poem in my name for me. Pretty cool I think.

Funny Story

I was sitting around bored out of my mind the other day and thought of something funny that happened to me that I would like to share.

One day I was helping a friend of mine on his farm when one of his dads friends came to lend a hand. I had never met this person before but had heard alot about him. He's a Vietnam vet and spent most of his adult life out west ( Arizona, New Mexico) driving cattle. In the early eighties he moved here to get married and start his own farm. Now, with this in mind, when he showed up to help us we anxiously awaited hearing some kind of funny story that he is well known for telling. When we finished our work we stood around and talked for a few minutes. Then things fell akwardly quite. So, hoping that I could start a conversation, I asked " Do you think it'll rain?"
Without missing a beat, he looked me dead in the eye and said" Well, have you ever seen it cloud up and shit?" Not quite the response I was looking for but it was funny.

Out of Charactor

If you have ever read any of my postings then you know that I rarely converse about any kind of serious topic. Today I feel that something needs to be brought out into the open. A few days ago, my wife and I went to Atlanta to the Georgia Aquarium. For the past few months we have seen the advertisments and thought that it would be a fun place to visit. We made it to the aquariam around 8:30 in the morning. By 9:30 we were done with the tour. ONE HOUR. It only took us one hour to go through the hold thing. We even took our time and looked at every little thing that we possibly could. I was highly dissappointed. The only thing that was there that caught any attention was the Beluga Whales and the Whale Sharks. Other than that it was like being in a pet store. Not to mention that by the time we payed for parking it cost two adults $65 to enter. In all seriousness, it is a rip-off. You would really expect more out of an aquarium in Atlanta. In all honesty the aquarium in Chatanooga, TN is a lot nicer. All-in-all the whole experience SUCKED. I don't reccommend anyone blowing their money on such an over advertized place. If you have ever been let me know, I want to see if I'm the only one who felt this way.

A Good Line

If the eyes of the world wasn't so blind,
we could open our eyes and the world we would find.


I though of this at about 3:00 this morning while I was getting ready to come home from work. Pretty good, Huh?

What Ever Happened To Sweet Candy?

I went to the local fueling station (gas station if you are from the south) and noticed something that is bothering me. There are no more endless shelves of sweet candy. Everything has gone to sour candy. Why? I understand that sour candy is a good seller but not everyone enjoys sour candy. To be truthfull, I hate the crap. I can't stand anything sour. I even purchased a pack of good old fashion bubble gum the other day just to discover that they had sold out to this marketing scheme also. I WANT SWEET CANDY. I know what you are thinking, that if i want sweet candy why don't i just buy something chocolate? Well, here's your answer, I'm sick and tired of having to eat chocolate everytime I get a sweet tooth. I know that ther has got to be some other people out there who feels the same way I do. If there is a person reading this that can help me, then by all means please do so.

Merry Christmas ( an over rated expression I feel)

Just so I don't sound like too much of a Scrooge I'll start out by saying Merry Christmahanakwanza. Politically correct version.
Now, on to my story. This has got to be the most depressing time of the year, and what a rip-off. I spent approx. $2k on presents and all I got was a pack of t-shirts and some colonge. I realize that it's not about receiving it's about giving, but come on and give me a break. If it wasn't about receiving then people wouldn't even go to parties. They would just mail their presents to one central location and let them collect for years before they finally find their way to some city dump somewhere. So what do we really expect out of the giving season. I realize that we don't expect to receive the same in gifts that hand out but why shouldn't we. If you actually do the science of the whole thing then we should come out even. but we don't, nobody does. Which is why I'm boycotting the holidays next year. It would be cheaper to go on a family vacation than to sit through four weeks of left over dressing and stale rolls.
I'm sarting a revolution. Who's with me? CPT Pyro said he was with me to a certain degree. So lets all unite for the one cause that we can all actually benefit from. It will saves thousands of dollars per household garruanteed. I need supporters.
Fa la la la la la F#%^ this S&*%.

P.S. Martha Stewart is now an official raging alcoholic. But don't take my word for it. Read the egg nogg story here.

It's Been A While

Hey every one. Sorry it's been so long since my last post but my life is hectic right now. For those of you who don't know, I have recently gotten married and moved to a different town. It's not really that far from where I used to live but it sounds good when I say that it's in another town. I have changed jobs (again) and it seems like I've been spending all my time either at work or sleeping. I'm going to try to post more now that everything is calming down. But until then. Everyone can kiss my hairy red toe.

Has This Happened to You?

Have you ever had one of those weekends that was so much fun that you couldn't even stay up long enough to enjoy it? This weekend CPT PYRO and myself went to the lake to enjoy some time away from the working life. We invited a few friends over with the hopes of partying all night. To my suprise at around 11:00 p.m. everyone was getting tired. It was all I could do just to stay up that long. I don't know what happened. At one time I could stay up for days on in with no sleep and as much alcohol as any one person could drink. I feel like I have completely left my former self at a thrift store somewhere. How could I have gone from "party guy" to "sleepy time" in a years time? Then it dawned on me. I don't have anyone to impress anymore. The whole reason I used to stay up was to just see if I could get anyone to comment on my ability to party. Now, I don't care. If you don't like the way I party then go to a club. I'm not here to entertain you anymore. But if you feel like I do around 10:30 or 11:00 then I'll make room for you to crash too.

Sympathy for London

I would like to take this time to say that all of London are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there. You've helped us in so many ways. Now it is our turn to return the favor. God bless us all.

Analyze That (Redux)

To the gentleman wanting to know my calculations on a month of Sundays; I assume that when some one uses the phrase that they are refering to a 30 day month. If this is the case then 30 Sundays would be 7 1/2 months because on average there are 4 Sundays in a month. When you divide the amount of quoted Sundays by the amount of Sundays in a month your answer is 7.5 or 7 1/2.

Analyze That

I have a few more phrases that annoy the hell out of me much like they do Crazykitty, read below postings and you'll know what I'm talking about.
Not only does that timeless phrase "I haven't seen you in a month of Sunday's" bother me (which by the way I sat down and figured it out, 7 1/2 months), but the ever so clever phrase "I haven't seen you in a coon's age". How damn long does a coon live? Surely it's more than 7 1/2 months. I remember being at the zoo with my daughter and the coons we saw were at least 5 years.
Or how about this one "What in Sam Hill are you doing". I'm not in Sam Hill nor have I ever been there. I'm not doing anything in Sam Hill. So stop accusing me of such.
How many people have heard this one, "I wouldn't give a plug nickel". What is a plug nickel? Are they valuable? I've never seen one, I've heard of them sure, but even the Nazi's used propaganda. I'd be willing to bet that if you had a plug nickel and it was a good deal you'd give it.

Viola 2 The Sequel

First off I would like to thank everyone who commented on the first posting of "Viola". If you have a story you would like to share, then by all means do so. Now I have another story I would like to share with you.
CPT. Pyro and myself went out to Oklahoma one year to visit some military friends of his. We thought that while we were there that we would see the sights. We went to Geronamo's grave ( or ever how you spell it) and some other unique places. The place where the story takes off is a place called Medicine Bluff. For those of you who don't know, this is where the aboved named Native American made his famous ride off a cliff to keep from being caught by the Army. Well, after about an hour of walking around the bottom of the bluff, we decided to head back and get ready to go to the strip club. Being as excited as I am about the strip club, I ran up the cobble stone steps ( approx 50' high) to the car. When I reached the car I realized that the door was locked and I had to wait for CPT Pyro. I waited for what seemed an eternity. Finally, I walked over to the edge of the steps to see him raging mad and stomping up the steps. I couldn't figure out what he was mad about. When he made it to the top of the steps, he looked at me and said with a stern voice " get in the car we're leaving".
I couldn't figure it out. What in the world could have made him so angry in such a short amount of time? We started leaving the park and I asked him what happened. He wouldn't tell me. So finally, after 10 mins of me pestering him, he told me. On his way up from the bluff, he was having problems with his pants. They kept sliding down and he couldn't get them to stay up. When he reached the steps and went to take that first step, his pants slipped down as his leg was reaching out and it happened. He managed to tear most of the crotch out of his jeans. I laughed my ass of for at least 20 mins.
CPT Pyro, I know you're going to read this and I just want to say now, sorry bro I had to tell it.

Don't be shy

If any one who reads this blog wants to comment, by all means do so. If you have something funny you want to share with me then go ahead. Even if you want to slam me and my thoughts. I like the comments to keep rolling in. Thanks everyone,BLAZE.

The King of Rock, the Army, and the Sherman Tank

Today, my friend CPT PYRO and I went to town to kill some time. On our way through town we noticed a cut out of Elvis Presley outside a local music store. The cut out had him in his army uniform. We started talking about him and the career he had before he joined the army and how joining the army showed a lot of courage. To me, for this man to stop in the middle of his fame and join the military is truly heroic. He was already rich and famous and had a lot to lose. This is what we need more of in todays world. For those of you who don't know, CPT PYRO and myself were and are in the military. This is why we find this subject more serious than most. When you see someone rich and famous ready to lose it all to serve his or her country it makes you feel good knowing that they're not doing it for the benefits, they are doing it because it's the right thing to do. If you read my blog on a regular basis you'll see that this is the most serious one that I have ever done. So to keep on with my comedic style I decided to let ya'll in on the rest of the conversation.
We was talking about how it would've been to be his drill instructor. I thought that it would've sucked, every time you yell at him or curse him, you'd be afraid he would sue you. Cpt PYRO thought different about the subject. He guessed that it would've been worse to be Elvis. You know every time that he did something the D.I. would've been right there making him the King of the Push-up.

Viola!

I have finally figured it out. It will probably make me rich. I know people have a hard time understanding me sometimes so just bear with me. I was at work earlier today and something bad happened. I tore a big hole in the crotch of my pants. No big deal right? WRONG! My dumbass went commando this morning because I was too lazy to do laundry last night. So I'm standing there in all my greatness with my stuff hanging out of my jeans ( well, maybe not hanging but equally bad). Thats when the idea hit me. What if you had some sort of Insta-patch? Something that you could keep in your wallet or purse or handbag (for my European readers) and when this happens you could casually go to the restroom and just fix your stitch. It would be great. There would be no embarassing moments in public like the one that I had today.
If you have a funny story that happened to you or someone you know let me know and if it's pretty funny I'll add it to this posting.

What's Wrong with Second Best

For those of you who don't know CPT PYRO is a good friend of mine. We have been friends for about 8 or 9 years. CPT PYRO is a gadget whore. He has to have the best of everything on the market or he will go into convulsions and DIE. Seriously, he really does have the best of everything that he wants. If something new and exciting comes out on the market he'll run out and get it, regardless of the product. The problem is that new stuff comes out everyday. By the time he buys something new there's something else new to replace it. Being the good friend that I am, to help him pay for his "I-might-be-stuck-in-the-past-phobia"(fear of not having something new) I purchase the item that he is replacing. After all, when he bought it, it was the best. By the time that I buy it, it's still second or third best. So I say what the hell. Don't get me wrong, I love technology, but I can't afford the best at the time, I'll do just fine with the best of yesterday.

Oh thank God

I'm finaly able to post again. My life is no longer over.
For the past few weeks my computer has been down due to a hardware problem. I've a friend that fixes computers on the side and he's been working on it for me. Any way, approx 2 weeks before my computer died a good friend of mine introduced me to blogging. Before this intro if you was to ask me what blogging is I probably would have said a hair-lipped logger. Ever since this intro though I've been hooked. So like always, as soon as I found a new use for my computer the damn thing dies. This has made my life HELL. I no longer have a place to express my feelings about a topic; short of starting a diary, but if you ever meet me you'll see why I don't have a diary. I have been so bored sitting at home that I think I went into a state of denial. A friend of mine stopped by one day and banged on the door and he said that he could see me but I was not responding. Fearing the worst he came on in the house to see what the problem was. He said that I was sitting there at my computer looking at a blank screen bitching about the everyday world to a monitor in the off position. But now I can finally blog again. I'm so happy I could squell like the fat man on Delivirence.
I'm goging to end this by saying a couple of things. First off, don't become too dependant on technology, it will only dissapoint you. Next, to the person who introduced me to blogging. I hope all your kids are born naked, you bastard. Haha just kidding.

I often wonder

I often wonder if other peoples thought process is the same as mine. What I mean when I say this is there are quite a few times that I will think of something and by the time I'm done thinking about it I'm on a completely different subject. Allow me to demonstrate: This is an actual conversation I had with a friend of mine on our way back from South Carolina.
Me Hey, have you talked to Lump lately? (a friend of ours in Iraq)
Him Yeah, he said that he hates the sand.
Me I can imagine
Him He said he hates taking a bath with baby wipes
Me Have you ever had to do that
Him Yeah it sucks, it leaves you feeling wet in the crack of your ass
Me I know, it's like when you shit real hard and you get some water in your ass, makes me feel uncomfortable
Him I know, just don't getthat clean feeling you have a wet ass
Me Now I know why babies cry all the time. They feel uncomfortable because they have a wet ass.

Now that you know what I'm talking about let me know if you think like this too.

i hate people who don't like people

You know, one of the most annoying things I can think of is talking to some one who obviously don't like people. They just stand there and try to focus their attention toward some sort of inanimate object hoping that it doesn't turn into a person and want to talk. Seems like the only thing you can ever get them to say is "I hate people". Is this not the most annoying thing to you? I just find it to be hillarious also. When you really think about it they hate the one thing that they are. Not only can they not change this but they can't even get help for this. Who would they go to for help? They obviously can't see a doc. They hate them too. I guess they'll have to spend the rest of their life wondering aimlessly around the world trying to find a tree or rock to cure them of this disease.